This article was written exclusively for this blog by Matt Bromley. Matt offers various training courses on attendance, as well as school improvement advisory services. Find out more about him here.
The phrase “be curious not furious” captures a deceptively simple shift in professional attitudes: from reacting to absence as defiance to investigating it as data, thus acknowledging that attendance is rarely improved by moral judgment alone; rather, it is improved through relational insight, intelligent adaptation, and targeted support.
But a word of caution: being curious does not mean lowering expectations; it means strengthening expectations through understanding.
Here are some practical examples of what this looks like in day-to-day school life…
1. Replace interrogation with professional enquiry
A furious response often begins with assumption:
“Why are you late again?”
A curious response by contrast, begins with investigation:
“I’m glad you’re here. I’m pleased to see you. I noticed mornings have been tricky recently – what’s been making it difficult to get in on time?”
The difference is subtle but significant: the former provokes defensiveness; the latter invites disclosure.
To be clear, this is not about ignoring lateness, nor condoning it. It is about gathering information that can lead to resolution. For example, repeated lateness might reveal:
- caring responsibilities for younger siblings
- unreliable transport
- anxiety about a particular lesson, teacher, or peer
- disrupted sleep patterns
- family instability
Curiosity uncovers the actionable variable.
2. Treat absence patterns as signals, not misdemeanours
Attendance data is often presented numerically, but each percentage point represents lived experience. A pupil whose attendance drops from 96% to 90% has not suddenly become disengaged; something has changed.
Accordingly, curious staff ask:
- What has changed recently?
- Which lessons are most frequently missed?
- Is absence clustered around specific days?
- Has there been a pastoral referral or safeguarding concern?
Such questions transform attendance monitoring from surveillance into professional diagnosis.
3. Separate the behaviour from the barrier
An attitude of “being curious not furious” acknowledges that behaviour is often communicative. For example, persistent absence might communicate:
- “I don’t belong here, I feel alone”
- “I feel overwhelmed”
- “I do not feel safe”
- “I do not feel successful”
- “I do not feel that school is for me”
A furious stance treats absence as the problem; a curious stance treats absence as evidence of a problem. For example:
Furious framing
“Your attendance is unacceptable.”
Curious framing
“I’ve noticed you’ve missed several Mondays. Is there something about Mondays that feels difficult at the moment?”
Patterns often reveal more than individual incidents.
4. Use relational authority, not positional authority
Authority in schools derives not only from role but from relationship. Pupils are more likely to disclose challenges where they trust the adult response will be measured and constructive.
Curiosity signals professional confidence:
- “Help me understand…”
- “Talk me through what mornings are like…”
- “What would make tomorrow easier?”
This approach maintains high expectations while increasing the likelihood of cooperation.
5. Understand that families are often solving complex problems
For disadvantaged families, attendance barriers may reflect structural pressures rather than parental indifference. As such, consider:
- shift work affecting morning routines
- shared housing arrangements
- transport logistics across siblings
- limited access to healthcare appointments outside school hours
A furious stance risks alienating families already under strain; a curious stance communicates partnership:
“We want to work with you to make attendance easier. What is currently making mornings difficult? What can we do to support you with that?”
Collaboration strengthens accountability.
6. Recognise emotionally based school avoidance (EBSA)
Where anxiety drives absence, punitive responses can intensify avoidance. Curiosity enables staff to identify early indicators such as:
- somatic complaints on school mornings
- increasing lateness
- requests to leave lessons
- attendance dips after holidays
A curious conversation might include:
“I’ve noticed you’ve found it harder to come in since half term. Has anything changed?”
This invites pupils to describe internal barriers rather than defend external behaviour.
7. Focus on improvement rather than perfection
Pupils with attendance difficulties often feel trapped by the perception they have already “failed”. Curious staff emphasise progress:
“Last week you attended three full days – that’s an improvement on the previous week. What helped? How can we build on that?”
This reinforces self-efficacy and identifies supportive conditions worth replicating. Small gains compound over time.
8. Use curiosity to inform reasonable adjustments
Curiosity is only meaningful if it leads to responsive action. Examples include:
- temporary meet-and-greet support at the school gate
- alternative entrance for pupils experiencing anxiety
- adapted timetable during reintegration
- check-in with a trusted adult at the start of the day
Such adjustments communicate belief in the pupil’s capacity to attend successfully. Support does not replace expectation; it enables it.
9. Avoid public confrontation
Furious responses often occur in public spaces – corridors, classrooms, queues. Curiosity is usually quieter. A discreet conversation communicates respect and reduces performative defensiveness.
“Let’s catch up briefly at break – I want to check how things are going.”
Privacy increases honesty.
10. Maintain professional optimism
Curiosity reflects a belief that attendance can improve. Where staff assume absence reflects apathy, intervention becomes perfunctory. Where staff assume barriers can be understood and addressed, effort becomes purposeful. Professional curiosity is therefore both mindset and method.
What ‘curious not furious’ sounds like in practice
Instead of:
“Your attendance is a problem.”
Try:
“I’m interested in understanding what’s affecting your attendance so we can improve it together.”
Instead of:
“You’re always late.”
Try:
“I’ve noticed mornings seem difficult recently – what’s happening before school?”
Instead of:
“If this continues there will be consequences.”
Try:
“Let’s work out what needs to change so this becomes easier.”
Why this approach works
Research consistently shows that attendance improves where pupils experience:
- psychological safety
- trusted relationships
- fair treatment
- clear expectations
- responsive support
Curiosity strengthens all five.
Importantly, curiosity is not the absence of accountability. It is the foundation of intelligent accountability. It ensures that when schools insist on attendance, they are doing so with insight rather than assumption.
A simple heuristic for staff
When faced with absence or lateness, ask:
What might this pupil be finding difficult right now?
Followed by:
What is within our control to adjust?
And:
How do we maintain high expectations while offering high support?
Curiosity is not going easy or being soft; it is professionalism applied with precision. And in the context of attendance, it is often the difference between compliance in the short term and engagement in the long term.
bee | Bromley Education Enterprises Limited 